The FUNtastic World of Boyz!!

As an expectant mother who had spent most of her life being a firm feminist, it was normal for me to crave for a girl child. “I would exchange the baby in the hospital if it`s a boy”, I announced. But God had planned otherwise and gave me not one but two boys. When my younger son, my last hope for a daughter, was born I was welcomed to a heartbroken boys` mothers group who were still grieving over the loss of their non-conceived daughters. The census lady formally recorded what many relatives and friends had teasingly noticed, the majority in our home was that of the other gender and I stood as a minority from now on.


The first sound of the baby, his cry for his mother, me, sent all the resentment flying out of the window and I decided to accept and adjust to what I was bestowed upon. Gradually, as I immersed myself into the daunting job of bringing up two boys(along with the third one, the father) I experienced a paradigm shift and the myths came crumbling down. Yes, boys were very restless, more physical and naughty. But I realized how much I enjoyed their world. I loved watching over them playing Ben 10 games for long hours, their karate fights were very thrilling and the races, exhilarating. I had never seen boys so closely since I only had a sister, and had never really been into sports, so their ways were new and challenges seemed tough at times. But, theirs was a simple world with lots of pure fun. Every small move, be it jumping or falling, throwing or catching, kicking or blocking, came with an extra adrenaline rush, an aggression that needed to be understood and aptly channelized. The ball was much more important than the people playing, winning more meaningful than the way one was addressed or handled.

Slowly, it was as gripping to watch my son play a cricket match or dribble the ball as perhaps an IPL match.

I agree that we`ll never get to see the other side of the world but I`m experiencing this one with complete attention and justice. I`ve discovered that boys also bring a lot of love, they hug, kiss and cuddle, they can sing and like to paint, they love to listen to long stories and can talk endlessly describing details of their daily experiences, just like we expect from girls. Even though I`m not left with much of feministic issues to stand up for in the house, I do understand that raising boys into sensitive, conscientious, compassionate and responsible men will be an essential and difficult task, especially cause they would be carrying atleast half the burden (if not more) of the planet in the future. Only a mother, a woman (after all I`m a feminist) would be truly able to bring it about with the warmth that it needs.

After all being the minority I`m often showered with the most special gifts, just like my son recently declared, “Mom you are my most favorite girl in the world!!”

Take Lite!!

Once an aunt had told me that life is a journey uphill, so if we make our bags heavy we won`t be able to go up too far. Thus we need to shed our baggages and move upwards as light as possible.We have a certain circle of influence, and we can only move around that. We cannot take everyone along, make each one understand. This was her take on forgiveness and moving ahead in relationships and on letting go. It has always stayed with me and guided my path. If we wish to move ahead, we need to move beyond all the negativity. We need to accept the world with all its differences and all its incapabilities and still find similarities and capabilities to stay joint. Life`s like a maze, we have to look far and admit to all the blockages and hurdles and yet find ways to tread the path and finally reach home. We all make our mistakes and when we take a wrong turn we need to check our maps and return. We cannot take these mistakes, hurdles and differences too serious and harsh. The creativity in life lies in taking up the same path, approaching the same problem in a different way, with an open mind again and again. It is the purity of our intentions, sincerity of our efforts and willingness of our minds to move beyond the futility and take along the worthy, that finally defines our journey.
Finally, no matter where we reach, its the journey that we need to experience, absorb and enjoy.

Insuring The SELF!!!

We always insure our cars, our homes and our health by taking up policies and paying regular premiums.
But when we come across an accident that stirs, shakes and hurts us deeper than that what do we have to fall back upon?
Yesterday a very dear friend met me completely shaken by the loss of a young nephew and even pained by the trauma that the parents must be undergoing. The child had succumed to a viral suddenly turning into a fatal pneumonia, while the father was out of station travelling for work. Even though I tried to console her i found myself a bit jittery. The situation doesn`t seem very alien, except for the final disaster. We all gurgaonites have gotten used to our kids coming back home with sudden virals, breathless, needing emergency nebulisations and ofcourse fathers travel half the week. It just dawned on me, IT COULD BE ANYONE OF US. Life can hit us anytime any where. There is no bigger fear in life than for your kids who define your whole meaning to be, your physical mental and spiritual existence.
We tell our kids that people go to god`s home when they die and that we should try to be good , do good, that there is god, the supreme soul who is watching over us, but do we really believe in it. As grown ups we have accumulated skills, wealth, gadgets, friends to last us perhaps more than one lifetime but we never empowered ourselves for the most unexpected, devastating yet inevitable event, we never stopped and even tried to develop deeper untill we were really faced and had to forcibly deal with it.
Just like the gym and work it is also crucial for us to to visit our inner self more often, to exist and understand life at more deeper levels. It is not that will come in one day, just like the regular premiums we need to pay we need to fill our cups also regularly, in installments much much before something hits us in our faces. After all aren`t we all a terribly shaken and insecure lot, sanitising our hands every time we hear the word FLU. We need to sanitise ourselves from within, so that we build a wealth of true awareness and strength. Which just like the insurance policies, if not used in accidents, is left for you as a big chunk of unexpected wealth that could be used further by the generations to come, This is the only treasure that grows with use, is infectious, can be shared and will last much much more than a lifetime.   

Independence n its relevance...

Yesterday was the Independence Day, and my son Parth, had already asked me the meaning of independence nearly ten times at separate places and different times. Standing in the long line of a retail store bursting with people trying to cash on, as if their Independence,  but the monsoon sales...watching the I day decorations, flag color balloons flying high above the lucrative looking discounts and as if celebrating freedom to buy more in the buy 2 get 2 offers...he asked me again, trying his luck one more time to understand, what Independence really meant.
Just the last night we had discussed how India got freedom, and yet got divided into two nations, and why the bigger one that is us, are still tolerating the so called greedy one, trying to get inside our borders, send terrorists and disturb us. With his short experience and understanding of the life in his six years, he wondered why our neighbour China, didn`t help us explain Pakistan. Actually he was quite sad to know and failed to accept that instead of the Indian flag they would hoist the Pakistani flag in Kashmir. He had woken up checking the borders on the globe. Sporting his jaipur hand printed kurta pyjama (sadly very low in popularity compared to latest Ben 10 tees) to the I day celebration of the complex, he was very excited to celebrate the Independence Day.
Now standing in the line when the question came again, I just realised that, perhaps in all the answers that I (being the mom i had to know it all) had managed to give him, he failed to understand what independence meant to us and how it applied to our lives, or perhaps he was wondering what do we do with this "Independence" apart from shopping our hearts out.  I began to ponder along with him and the answers came pouring from within.
 Freedom, is the power to choose what to be, and the responsibility of what we have become. Today the meaning of Independence is more existential, the struggle is deeper, within us.  It is a collective nation wide venting exercise to condemn corruption in the commonwealth games, but yet do we wonder who has created this system, we all have contributed in our own ways to bring this free country to such a state. We haven`t even come forward and volunteered to clean up our city, or stop the traffic jams, for the games, but we all are equally hurt about how the money has been misused and deadlines not met with.  How patiently we can stand in a long queue of an upmarket store going on discounts, and yet it is an utter torture and below  our dignity to stand in a queue to get your passports renewed. We can throw the trash anywhere the road since the entire road looks like an extension of a dustbin, and yet go on harping about how clean are the cities abroad.
Now the challenges are different, we need to move beyond questioning the credibility of the authorities, blaming the people in posts and mocking at the state of armed forces. When we can refuse a bribe, we can question the authorities without fear, when we can stop on the road and help someone in need without thinking twice, we are truly free. It is Independence of intentions and actions that we seek.When we can proudly speak Hindi, wear an Indian dress to a posh place,  plan Indian traditional style birthday party for our kids,  we are free. It is the freedom to flaunt what is our own without worrying about being labelled as down market. It is not what we preach but what we do, enjoy and celebrate that our children watch, understand and value.
Perhaps Parth is looking for the feeling of pride and joy seeing the tricolor, the infectious patriotic sentiment of listening to the bhagat singh songs, the rush to witness the locality flag hoisting, standing up to sing the anthem, singing the national song, and distributing laddoos (which also thanx to chhota bheem caartoon, now compete with pastries for popularity among our kids), which seems to have been overshadowed by the rush to grab all stylish western brands at amazing prices.....